Moonshine and Mermaids

The lies I've weaved tangle around my neck
What would you do to survive?  
What measures would you take?
Even a suicidal person wants to survive on some level
And each time I've been prepared to take such actions
People have been there to grab me and pin me to existence
If people didn't love me, if people didn't care
I would not be here; living this lie
From one kind of survival to another
I have never chosen the role of victim
But people can see the pain in my eyes
And they're like insects drawn to the bug zapper
I'm just not good for anyone realistically
I'm the peaches in moonshine that blinds
I don't want to be a villainess, didn't choose this either
I sink into my mind as time goes on
My subtle lies that helped me survive
Keep getting tighter around me
A mermaid calling shark in a fishing net
Fishing line webs cutting deeply into my flesh
I really don't want to be these things
I don't know where I learned how to do this
Somehow there are people who care so deeply
I don't think that makes me a good person
Sometimes I look at those who love me and sneer
Such fools to love a dispicable creature like myself
And then such thoughts grate against my heart
Like one rubs shattered glass into open wounds
I love them so much... my stupid friends
They're so eager to love and care
And if they want to love a predator...
I guess I'm not the worse one out there