Why Bother

I've had
an urgent
appointment
with death
since i started
breathing

always walking
a very
thin line
panic grips
my hand
asking me

to dance

living inside
the dark doubts
about existing
each day dawns
pistol cocked ready
for when
self destruction
is assured

no bluff
being called here
only russian roulette
new apocalypse
explosive mind games
going boom